I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
vagina is talking i cant
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
