Will you blow on my dice?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
