The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
