i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
