you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
