He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
