I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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