please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
