do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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