very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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