I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
