It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
