i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
