I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
