my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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