Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
