How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
