Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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