Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
