she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
