he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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