She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
