i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
