So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
