I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
BRING THE BAGELS
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
