I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
