Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
