I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
