he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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