Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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