the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
