I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
