Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
