I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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