Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
