Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
