apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
