NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
