david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
