I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
