dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
