I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
