just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
