I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
