oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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