fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
