We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
