is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Be still, my beating vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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