so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
