stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
