he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
