take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
